i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
