Pappa wants mamma naked
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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