If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
