My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
