I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
