I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
