i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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