Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
