Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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