...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
