i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So many bounce houses so little time
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
