I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
