I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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