I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
