last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
