2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
