Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
