see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
