Im at strip club and am horny
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
