I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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