I think my fart just growled at me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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