If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
