i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
