I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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