didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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