I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
