there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
