its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
