i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
