i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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