I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
