I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
