how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
