Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Rumble strips road head = magical
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
