Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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