Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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