Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
