Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
