Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
they're like a gay fantastic four
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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