He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
