wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
