New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he was CRYING into my vagina
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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