dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
