Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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