Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
