this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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