I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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