At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
