I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
