his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
